There was nothing, I could not see anything, there was no warmth nor was there any chill, I could not hear anything nor could I feel the silence pressing upon.
My thoughts were my only companion, these too had a strange form of their own, I was not thinking in any language, what I was going through was pure emotion, bouts of happiness, anger, feelings of affection, sadness and many more for which I have no words to describe, these feelings though were not directed at anyone or anything. These waves of emotion took a while to die down, for which I had to focus my concentration on the question of WHERE AM I?
I tried to open my eyes, I wasn’t sure if I even had eyes, I couldn't feel any weight, am I in space? I wondered; my thoughts more concrete. Well, if I were in space how did I get here? to answer that, where was I before this?…WHERE WAS I?
I could feel the weight of an immense consciousness pressing upon me, feeding me these thoughts but I couldn’t connect to it. I could not find any memory. It was a complete void, I had only questions and no answers. But, have I asked all the questions yet?
I tried hard to remember again but to no avail, all the memory I had was that of being in this vacuum,trying to open my eyes and whatever occurred since then. What is left for me to ask?
The answer in the form of yet another question popped up WHAT AM I? The unknown and immeasurable consciousness does seem to help me but in a very limited way of feeding me these thoughts. The thoughts which only raise more questions. As I was thinking, there was a flurry of shapes in-front of me . The shapes were unrecognizable, they did not make any sense they were as good as my void. But I could make out that they were distinct shapes all different from each other.
I kept wondering. I figured it was futile trying to answer these three questions.Oh! three?, now I had an understanding of numbers?, not aware if this was my own knowledge or what is being served to me, I kept counting to see if there was an end until I was disturbed by a jolt. The jolt had almost broken my stream of thoughts. I was now more aware of my being. I had many thoughts running parallelly now, much of it a blur, some threads of it were constrained and guided, some of them were unbridled and random. I felt the weight of my own conscious it was still miniscule compared to the overbearing one that keeps puzzling me.
There was yet another Jolt, this was stronger, much stronger, the emotions started rippling again. The connection with the consciousness was becoming weaker now. I did not want to be stuck in that formless hollow null again. but what hope do I have? I don’t know where I am?, I don't know where I was? I don’t know what or who I am?, all I had was this particular experience and the one drive to find the purpose of my being.
How did it all start……Eyes…I was trying to open my eyes…..Just as I thought this was a string with which I could answer my questions. The words and thoughts along with any significance they had vanished, the memory of my experience was gone and the connection to the consciousness was severed. I was being pushed out into an abundance of senses, it was an over load, it was too bright and too loud.
X-X-XTo be continued……….